Life During The Plague, Pt 1

I know the world is going to shit, but right now I seem to be handling it ok.

I’ve been unemployed for almost a year, and it’s been even longer than that since I felt like hanging out around other people much. I’m alone, as in no girlfriend or significant other. I’m used to taking care of myself, and I pride myself on taking care of my close friends in whatever way I can. I have expected to live through the “End Times” ever since I was a Jesus freak in early high school, and living through 9/11 a mere few blocks north of Ground Zero confirmed that dystopian sci fi was more prophesy than fantasy. So, in many ways, I was made for this moment.

That said, I’ve been battling daily with intense allergies since I came back from a week in Ft Worth at the home of my high school/punk rock friend Tom Huckabee around the 8th of March. For several days, it was mainly sinus pressure headaches. Those gave way to a constant post-nasal drip of globby mucous that would bring on a scratchy throat in the afternoon. No fever, no body aches, not much cough usually. But still, in the morning I would confirm first thing that the sore throat was gone, then make sure I could hold my breath over the allotted 10 seconds. All good; on with the day.

I trust myself to be aware of any changes and get help if I need it. After all, my mantra is “pay attention”. But it really does a strange thing to your emotional equilibrium to be so tuned in to a delayed-reaction invisible killer, and not know if you washed your hands recently enough or managed the proper “social distancing” distance in a grocery store where no one else seems to care. And then to know that you wouldn’t even be made aware if you had fucked up for up to two weeks…

There’s not much you can do but do your best. I acknowledge that I am not perfect at any of this and things could turn on a dime. So in the meantime, I try to refocus myself on what I love: I’m working on a bunch of videos and will start uploading them to a YouTube channel shortly, I’m recording backing tracks to go with video for an eventual (hopeful) return to performing solo, I’m doing an ink drawing a day, I’m writing for this blog (my first public writing ever).

I hate to admit it, but I may be more at home in my skin now than I have been for a very long time. I wish it hadn’t taken a global pandemic for me to focus and get things done, but without a music scene or “biz” to try to live up to or second-guess, without any reason to worry about contacts for the sake of moving my “career” forward, and with no reason left to beat myself up about my imaginary “failures”, I’m left with just “doing me”.

And this is what it looks like…

By the way, the image attached to this entry is taken from an Italian Renaissance era painting in the Kimbell Art Museum in Ft Worth, TX. Thanks, Theresa Disharoon, for getting Tom and me in to see it and for the lively discourse!